The Mother’s Prayer for her Daughter by Tina Fey
One of Patti’s friends sent this hilarious poem by Tina Fey to her a few years ago, and it resurfaced just in time for Mother’s Day. Enjoy and SMILE in thanks for the wonderful humor in motherhood (and for Tina).
First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.
May she be beautiful but not damaged, for it’s the damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the beauty.
When the crystal meth is offered, may she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half, and stick with beer.
Guide her, protect her when crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the subway platform, crossing 86th Street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding ferris wheels, roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called “Hell Drop,” “Tower of Torture,” or “The Death Spiral Rock ‘N Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith,” and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age.
Lead her away from acting but not all the way to finance. Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes and not have to wear high heels. What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design? I’m asking You, because if I knew, I’d be doing it, Youdammit.
May she play the drums to the fiery rhythm of her own heart with the sinewy strength of her own arms, so she need not lie with drummers.
Grant her a rough patch from twelve to seventeen. Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long, For childhood is short - a tiger flower blooming magenta for one day - And adulthood is long and dry-humping in cars will wait.
O Lord, break the internet forever, that she may be spared the misspelled invective of her peers and the online marketing campaign for Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed.
And when she one day turns on me and calls me a bitch in front of Hollister, give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends. For I will not have that Shit. I will not have it.
And should she choose to be a mother one day, be my eyes, Lord, that I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 A.M., all-at-once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back.
“My mother did this for me once,” she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby’s neck. “My mother did this for me.” And the delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a mental note to call me. And she will forget. But I’ll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes.
Amen.
Tina Fey, Bossypants
Happy 4th of July!
4 things to be thankful for this 4th of July
1. Family, whether near or far, here or not here, we are thankful for them all.
2. Time. In the sense of taking it. Enjoying the moments and reveling in the peace (or chaos) of your beautiful life.
3. Miracles, of varying magnitude and scale. The little ones running around your yard, the big ones that you can’t believe happened (but they did.)
4. Corn on the cob… with butter. YES. Okay- that is silly but what’s 4th of July without corn on the cob?? And what’s corn on the cob without butter?? (A tragedy. That’s what.)
Guided by Wishes
to be remembered
to be loved
to be cheered
to be gracious
to be grateful
to be inspired
to be determined
to be stronger
to be brighter
to be bolder
to be truer
to be held
to be cherished and to cherish more
to be inspiring
to be gentle
to be true
to be marvelous
to be a grand success
to be a small but pivotal element in a greater victory
to be loved and to love and to keep loving
to be rewarded
to reward
to make peace
to make wonder
to make dreams into deeds
to live beautifully
A Mother’s Blessing
Mother, Mom, Mommy, Ma, Mama, Momma, Mami, Mimi – this is for you who
Held our hands, kissed our knees, straightened our stances, and showed us the world
One marvel at a time — read us stories, taught us colors, wore our macaroni jewels, saved our crusty tempera paintings from the 2nd grade, taught us dignity + humor, taught us how to use our hearts as best we could (and as best you did, always): to LOVE…
Bless you, bless you, bless you.
Welcome to Nota Bene (both Latin and Italian for “note well,” which we do around here!). At Waxing Poetic, we make things, and get the chance to see them made real (and loved, and changed – by all of you). Here you will find tiny actions, tiny pieces, and tiny particulars of our process – the small (and not so small) things that matter much.
Enjoy!
Patti Pagliei, Founder
